Archive | March, 2009

Boys will be boys.

13 Mar

Here’s a story which every time I tell it to women it causes a reaction of  “OH. MY. GOD.” and when I tell it to men it causes a reaction of “Yeah. For sure.”

Some years ago I used to live in a section of my city that has a fair number of ladies plying their trade on the corners.   These were not the glamorous ladies of Pretty Woman cinderella-tales. They were hardworking ladies who in all likelihood were supporting addictions or other problems with their work.  It’s hard to condemn them – they have reasons and situations often beyond my understanding or experience, but they sure did bring the tone of the neighborhood down. Um, further.    They made it hard for any male pulling up in  a vehicle outside my house, and caused my friend S to have to take her smoke break in the back yard, lest she be mistake for a loitering working lady. (In fairness to the Johns, that coat she had with the big faux fur collar was misleading at best.)

But the ones I found most curious were the morning hookers. The ones on the corners of my largely residential area at 7:30 in the  morning – I’d see them frequently on my way to work.  They puzzled me – I figured they had been out all night, had not made enough and were lingering in hopes of some extra work. But what hope at 7:30 am? Huh you would be surprised. I often saw trucks or cars pull up and around a corner as the ladies hurriedly followed.

When I began dating Mr Wry, I pointed this out to him one morning. “Look at them! Who’d have thought? A.m. hookers doing good business. What kind of guy is trolling for a hooker at 7:30 in the morning???”

Mr Wry looked at me like I was a bit slow.

“It would be easier in the morning,”  he stated, matter of factly,  going on to elaborate:

“If you stay out late to cheat on your wife, she would suspect you were cheating on her. Leave early for the office and you are just a hard working guy who wants to, um, get ahead.”

I stared at him for probably about a full  minute, probably not blinking once.

Morning hookers…who knew?

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More meaty love!

9 Mar

NO, it’s not porn.  OK, maybe food porn.

This weekend we took delivery of 1/4 of a cow and MAN was that a lot of meat.

THIS was part of my mother’s portion. She did not eat it all in one sitting, I am told.

It was meat nuttiness

meat!The next day I cooked a ham – something I have never enjoyed.  Pink slippery meat…gah! (I await your ribald comments.)

But it was goooood. It has lots of outer fat which I glazed and it got all crispy and delicious and crunchy and fatty and then I was up at 5am feeling barfy and maybe eating that much straight up pig fat in one sitting is not for me. ( I was repeatedly warned by others to hold back but it was CRUNCHY, people!!)

I  loved it.

Ham… pink slippery meat never tasted so good!

New Kids on the Block – Wry and Ginger wants to help! (Pt 13 )

6 Mar

This is Part 13 in a series of discussions about topics often brought up here on Etsy. And when I say “discussions” I mean, “You call that a back rub???There are at least 6 other guys who would punch themselves in the face for this job! NOW RUB!”

Look at you all…fresh and squeaky with your newness making you gleam! Oh who am I kidding? You new kids are just huddled in the corner, trying to work out which one of you will be elected (and by that I mean shoved forward roughly) to try and make nice with the cool kids and get to know how things work around here.

Well, I’m a cool kid, so let me help!

What’s that? Full of myself??
Come on! Look at me…with my sleek fur and bushy tail. I can hardly keep my hands off myself! Ha ha, I kid, I kid! I am a bit of a dick – but I am a dick who wants to help the new kids. After all, weren’t we all the new kid once?

(Look around, nodding warmly…)
(Cue title sequence to After School Special ) Continue reading

One is the loneliest number…

2 Mar

I awoke Sunday morning to the BF at the bedroom window, looking down at the drive below.

“Oh man! Is that a squirrel the crows are eating?!”

Few words could have me out of bed and at the window faster than those. And damned if he wasn’t right.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/scotiamade/3319234768/in/photostream/

there they were, pecking away at the rather frozen corpse of a somewhat headless squirrel. Had he not been somewhat headless, I could have believed that he possibly had a heart attack and died, then froze stiff. He was just spread eagled, fairly intact save for the hole the crows were pecking into his gut.

Of course, the first thing through my mind was:

“JIMJAM!!!”

followed quickly by “ooh I’m hungry!” which was then buried by another

“JIMJAMMMM!”

I have two backyard squirrels – the inimitable JimJam and his new friend, who I presume to be a lady. Having seen the carnage in my drive,  I spent the better part of the rest of the day staring out the back window,  watching the one lone squirrel running about the back yard in a crazed manner, silently willing a second squirrel to appear.

None did.

I am steadfast, however, in my belief that the remaining squirrel is my JimJam. His friend of late, or late friend, was a bit slower than him, didnt’ know all the best hiding spots and seemed a tad dull. The sort of squirrel who might stick his head under the wheels of a passing car.  Yesterday I saw my lone squirrel emerge from under the BBQ cover, oneo f JimJam’s favourite nut stashes.

So JimJam remains alone, and frankly somewhat nonplussed in appearance…his possible mate squashed and eventually carried off by the crows. It’s mating season for squirrels, so I can only hope that his handsome (and somewhat fat) appearance, coupled with his tremendously attractive home territory (thanks to my willingness to go broke on peanuts) will lure him in another squeeze.
We can only keep our fingers crossed. Unless, of course, we are my neighbors 😉