I see the world through hairy chested glasses.

1 Jul

I dig hairy chested men.

You heard me right. Hairy chested men…I like ’em.

It seems these days people want to pretend that one of the most obvious signs of passage to adulthood never happened. They shave, wax, laser, and buff off every bit of hair that is not on the top of their head (or just above the eyes – though the maintenance of that is, apparently, an art form all its own. ) Women have done this for yonks, but  men are now firmly on the bandwagon.  The ‘back, crack and sack’ is offered at many reputable waxing salons, and you can see the denuded results on beaches and in celebrities mags at every turn. Women of the millennial generation don’t even seem to know that men come in varieties other than ‘cleanly plucked’.

So today I am coming out, loud and proud.  I DIG HAIRY CHESTED MEN. In fact, I dig hairy legged men, hairy armed men, men with beards even! What’s that? Hairy backed men? Ahhh..yeah..tough call…  NO, NO, I am including them,too!

I came about my preference honestly, and by this I mean

Perfecto!

Perfecto!

YEAHHA! I am a child of the eighties. In my day, men kept themselves just as nature intended. The above specimen (who is, BTW, perfect) was my first huge adolescent crush. He, and other men of the day, shaped my preferences. Yet recently, when around other women, I often find myself defending my love of  men who, frankly, look like men. Real men. Men who know that grooming means a  moustache trim, or quick shave BUT NOT BELOW THE NECK!

Now for a bit of science:

The growth of this luxuriant body hair, ladies, is fueled by testosterone. MmmmMMMMmm testosterone. I swear to Christ you can smell some guys oozing it. How is that possible? The testosterone  becomes trapped in the body hair, thus allowing  it to follow these manly men about in a fug of awesomeness.  If the hair is not present on the  body, the testosterone leaks out messily on the surface of the plucked skin, often causing the hairless men to become a bit addled by it. Because they do not understand the scientific consequences of removing this hair, the begin engaging in compensatory behaviours, subconsciously trying to replace the hair with things such as tribal tattoos and Orange Crush-inspired fake tans. I refer you once again to the specimen of perfection above…see any signs that his skin has become a drawing board for the co-opting of other cultures? No you do not. You just see the rug of virility that Mother Nature put there for him – as a gift to you,  ladies. A gift. And if our mothers taught us anything, it is not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Look him square in the chest.

Advertisements

6 Responses to “I see the world through hairy chested glasses.”

  1. MissLoisme July 1, 2010 at 1:57 pm #

    Good God that man is absolute perfection.

    Also, W&G’s love of these men is so deep she keeps a deck of “hairy chested men” cards in her desk at work. No lie. And there’s a whole lot more going on then chest in those cards….

  2. Rob July 2, 2010 at 9:11 am #

    Thanks, W&G!

    Now all I need is to hear a woman proudly exclaim that beer guts make her swoon, and my self-esteem might just rocket up to “almost not of clinical concern” levels!

  3. Cheryl July 2, 2010 at 9:24 am #

    I’ve done all I can in one blog Rob. All I can.

  4. Nicole July 2, 2010 at 10:47 am #

    I still remember realizing, as a late teenager, that despite what I’d seen all around me and in the media, men naturally have hairy chests! It was a revelation, even for a budding feminist who refused to shave her own legs and took a lot of flak for it as a teenager. Chest hair used to freak me out, but it’s (ahem) grown on me since that revelation. What a strange world we live in.

  5. Oink July 5, 2010 at 5:19 am #

    I dig hairy chests, hairy legs, hairy arms, etc (although come on, occasionally waxing a back is nice), but I can’t dig facial hair. It bristles. In all the wrong places.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Tweets that mention I see the world through hairy chested glasses. « Wry and Ginger -- Topsy.com - July 3, 2010

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Bessy Nikolaou, Heather McCallum. Heather McCallum said: “@wryandginger: I make a shocking confession: http://ow.ly/26dZO”/ Amen! Pre-pubescent look creepy on men AND women. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: